All my life, since a young child, I have always believed in God and would call myself a Christian with ease. I went to Sunday School, Church, my parents brought me up as a Christian. But there came a time where I thought I said the sinner's prayer- I saw thought because I didn't actually confess with my mouth but each night I would repeat it because I thought the last time didn't count ( I was only young). Then high school came and I would still call myself a Christian to anyone who'd ask and I definitely believed. In all honesty, I was calling myself a Christian without knowing what it truly meant to be one. Skip forward to 2018 after falling away by being TOO much of this world and being selfish, materialistic, anxious, having panic attacks, fearing every single thing that could possibly exist, watching horror movies for a thrill, listening to music that didn't promote God but the world - little did I know, I was inviting a devil to personally get in my head from doing all of this, I was inviting him in by entertaining the things of him and not God! I'd always feel a heaviness on my chest- constantly! I would put it down to panic attacks but now I truly know the reason- the devil had it's chains all wrapped around me pushing me right down.
So, 2017 I began University- something I THOUGHT I was passionate about - notice thought being in capital letters? Yeah- lil miss who thinks she knows everything here got it wrong! So now we are in 2018- the start of the year God really got my attention with something that happened right at the start of the year-all from that moment I went through ALL kinds of emotions. Little did I know, God was strengthening me and preparing me.
At the start of university, I thought yes this is everything I've ever wanted wow look at how amazing this place is! Ha- slowly one by one, everything about university started to beat me down one by one leading to me to be filled with fear, anxious and to ultimately begin to stop eating- it really impacted, my love for my course was being shrunk as I began to have no motivation to even go. It got to the day before my first ever proper assignment due date, I had been putting it off because of all that was going on- usually with things like that I am the first to just get it done and to understand this. But for some reason, I had no motivation to do it, I couldn't get my head around the assignment or anything and no-one could help me. Throughout this time, I still would be praying every night but again little did I know God had something greater for me- I just had to seek him. That very night- I made the decision to leave university the following day- and I did, weirdly everything went so smoothly and easy, but I remember the exact moment I was walking back to my flat thinking, well where do I go from here- what am I meant to do. Next thing you know, I got accepted STRAIGHT away into a college for my course and this way I'd be able to be with my boyfriend and take a different route- this is something I came across before choosing university but just put it down. God will make a way- I'm telling you that now! So, there was a period that I was with my boyfriend for a long period every day- and it was from this that both of us started to get into the Word, I brought my Bible to his flat and started to watch Bible Project- I didn't straight away go to my Bible til one day I was like 'pass me my Bible please' then from then it all changed. From thinking reading a verse a day and then going back into the world to where I am today- I am so thankful! From that moment, I got stronger and stronger as everything seemed to fall into place, I had nothing to do, so I would spend each day in my Bible, watching Christian videos, learning more about God and myself! Then skip forward to 3rd June 2018- the night of this date, both myself and my boyfriend accepted the LORD into our hearts, repented and confessed with our mouths! God put us together for a reason, as throughout my journey we both were strengthening together and getting closer to God together! After I accepted the LORD, I brought a notebook, to begin a Bible Journal, and every day I would be in the Word, learning more and more - understanding things I never used to understand when I tried to read before! I remember trying to read Genesis and the first few lines baffled me, for some reason I couldn't get my head around it- it was because I went in without the Holy Spirit. Each day, more and more , I learn more and the LORD helps me understand and gives me wisdom and helps guide me and so much more- more than I could ever imagine. I even was led to create a new Instagram named ' Grace Over Pride' which the LORD helped me name as I was trying all different names then I came across James 4:6- and I knew then that God led me to that so it instantly came in my head- Grace Over Pride- and it was the only one that worked.
Every day I am working on my relationship with him and my faith as well as myself. Not only have I noticed changed about me but my boyfriend and family have- that means a lot to me because I know God is chipping away at me helping me along my way. I can tell you something straight away- those panic attacks have gone, my fear is for the LORD, I don't have the obsession with the world and the things in it- I long and thirst for Christ, I want to live my life to serve him and only him! I want to be only walking down the narrow path- God has done so many things in my life, things I didn't even realise until getting close to Him that all this time- he was preparing me, and leading me to these moments! I feel reborn and new- I am born again! Since then I feel like a completely different person as the way I put it is that God has taken the worldly lens' that I had on and gave me brand new lens' which have adapted my sight to see everything in a different way!
Fast forward to today- every morning, day, night I have sat down in my little corner, made time for Jesus- and have been stuck in the Word, learning new things every time. The Holy Spirit guides me in ways you couldn't imagine! The LORD is always with me, I turn to him for everything! Yes, I can fall sometimes into the world but the LORD has given me strength to bring myself back through him - for example, I kept going on social media rather than having Bible time and study- so I was led to fast for 3 days and the desire for social media has been removed thanks to God! He has strengthened our relationship- and it will continue each and every day!
Thank you to the LORD, for everything he has done in my life to shape me to be who I am today- LORD thank you for guiding me and never leaving me- thank you Jesus Christ for dying on that cross for all of our sins- you took the punishment for us - you have given us that chance LORD to be with you forever and ever! Thank you God for using your only son! All glory to God for he is amazing in every single way!
I pray this helps anyone who the LORD guides to read this and make the best and biggest change in their life which is turning to Jesus and repenting!
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